


Vodka, Beer & Wine

by Anonymous



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fact was that he was beginning to have certain... feelings. Ones that certain people didn't deem particularly natural in their minds. In fact, he was sure that the feelings he was having were wrong, but that couldn't stop them coming through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vodka, Beer & Wine

Water trickled down his leg and he shivered. It was cold, and reminded him too much of the water from the sea on the beach where he'd landed in the Jaeger after Yancy died. Raleigh would have growled at the offender squirting the mists of cold water on him, but he had run out of energy, and instead, he collapsed. The bright lights clouding his vision turning into solid black.

 

Sometimes he would dream of that day, and sometimes he wouldn't. But when he did dream of that day, he would wake up and feel worse than he did that day. You see, that day he was in shock, but now he could fully comprehend what had happened, and so when he thought about it, he also thought the most horrible things about himself, and those horrible things were not something that normal people said that he should be thinking about himself.

 

One time, he acquired a psychiatrist who, he was told, didn't judge people by what they were thinking in their heads. Unfortunately, this psychiatrist thought that he was so fucked up, that even she left him, in favour of better clients. Clients who only had to deal with a family member dying under normal circumstances, or they had simply broken up with their boyfriend. He didn't like that psychiatrist.

 

The fact was that he was beginning to have certain... feelings. Ones that certain people didn't deem particularly natural in their minds. In fact, he was sure that the feelings he was having were wrong, but that couldn't stop them coming through.

 

It was when he dreamt about that day, and as it happened in a few of those good versions of the dream, Yancy didn't die. They defeated the kaiju together, and they celebrated with each other. Those celebrations involved downing a bottle of vodka, a carton of beer, a carton of cheap wine. They didn't even go to bed until it was something like ten in the morning the next day.

 

Then they woke up, and because they had drunk so much alcohol, they were still drunk off of their arses. That part of the dream was a little messed up, because the marshall would never ever let them get drunk. They weren't even allowed alcohol in the shatterdome.

 

But, in the dream, Raleigh jumped down from his bed, and landed on Yancy's bed. Landed on top of his sleeping brother. His threw the covers back, off of his brother, and his hands ventured on top of Yancy's shirtless chest.

 

Yancy moaned Raleigh's name, and in the dream, Raleigh got hard. Sometimes that was when he woke up. Other times, that was when he touched Yancy's and got his brother hard too, and then woke up. He knew that it was bad and that no one should even be thinking that. He knew that he shouldn't even have those kind of thoughts in his imagination, able of coming out. He knew that he was horrible, and that it was bad for his brother's memory. He didn't know why he was doing it, and he didn't know why nothing could get it to stop.

 

Raleigh couldn't stop thinking about the dream every day that he had it, and he couldn't believe that the psychiatrist wouldn't help him try to get rid of it. The single fact that he knew that he wasn't _gay_ was enough to convince him that the dreams were just the most wrong thing that had ever come out of his head.

 

So now, when water was trickling down his leg after a spar with Chuck Hansen, those thoughts were coming back into his mind, and he couldn't believe it. He thought that he'd left those memories back in 2020. He didn't want them to return. It was not a good memory to have, and he didn't want it. He wanted it to go away. It was making him afraid that someone would find out. What if telepathic people did exist. What if a ghost drift started up with Mako? He wouldn't be able to hid what he'd been thinking about, and that would be the worst thing. He would be ever so afraid that she would never want to pilot the Jaeger with him for Operation Pitfall, and that wouldn't be acceptable.

 

Of course thinking about it happening would make it happen. Of course a ghost drift would start up right that second. Of course it would be one of the worst times in existence for it to happen, and of course Mako would be up to nothing in particularly so her mind was too blank for it to actually block out what he was thinking, and that was the time that he knew that he was fucked, and that people were going to be finding out about this.

 

~*~

 

“Raleigh-” Mako begun, trying to get his attention, and trying to begin a conversation with him. Trying to talk about what she'd seen in his mind earlier.

 

He walked away, trying to deter her from conversing. He really didn't want her to bring it up. She would just tell him that it was wrong. She would just tell him that he shouldn't be thinking it, and that he should just go fuck off because he wasn't worthy as a pilot, and that he shouldn't even be there in the Hong Kong shatterdome. He didn't belong there. He had killed his brother, and he was now desecrating the memory of him. He didn't deserve to have any part in saving the world.

 

He felt a hand on his shoulder. “Look, Raleigh, Herc and Scott have as well...” Mako told him, and for a moment he was confused. For a moment he didn't understand what she was implying, and then she realised. Herc and Scott had been together as well. He and Yancy weren't one off. Was she trying to say that it was normal between Jaeger pilots?

 

He couldn't believe that Herc and Scott had been together when they were piloting. Of course, it made sense, right? Jaeger pilots were closer than normal family. He wouldn't be surprised if he and Mako started sleeping together after this, although, he thought of her more like a sister at the moment. He used to think of Yancy more like a brother, and look how that turned out.

 

~*~

 

“I heard your dad and your uncle were together back when they were piloting?” Raleigh questioned Chuck Hansen the next day. Digging, quite obviously, to find anything about the Australian siblings' relationship.

 

“I don't need you bugging me, Raleigh.” Chuck laughed, “'sides, everyone knows that.”

 

Raleigh looked at the Australian with wide eyes. He couldn't believe it. He'd been worrying so much about how people would take what he'd been thinking about Yancy, yet standing right in front of him (although a pretty shitty example) was a kid that had been raised by a same-sex sibling couple for most of his childhood. That would sure show the politicians.

 

“Sorry, I just- I've been having bad thoughts recently.” Raleigh told the boy.

 

Chuck's eyebrows raised his eyebrows at that. Clearly, he wanted to know what that meant. He was curious, obviously taking after his father on that count. Raleigh had single handedly found that out when they'd dropped together in Manila, and had stayed in the same hotel afterwards, and Herc had wanted to know a certain something about someone's penis size.

 

“I've been having thoughts about Yancy, and even though his dead, they're sexual, and I kind of feel horrible for it.” He said, but it sounded almost like gibberish, and he pronounced each word all as one, at a heightened speed.

 

Chuck grimaced, and almost immediately he could tell that he'd made the wrong choice, or his facial muscles had anyway. He wasn't disgusted by Raleigh. After all, that would kind of be a slight double standard on his part. No, he was more worried about what he would tell Raleigh in response to what he'd just admitted to him.

 

When Raleigh turned to walk away, Chuck had to think fast, and latched his left hand onto the older man's extremely muscled right shoulder. “I didn't mean to make you upset, Raleigh. I just didn't know what to say. Let's think. Ever since twenty fourteen, my parents have been to guys. One who happens to be my uncle, and the other my father. That wasn't bad. It was not my fathers' fault that I became such a shit, that I know I am now. They did a brilliant job. Well, maybe not Scott, but that's another story. It's just, Raleigh, you know, it's not that wrong. You're a Jaeger pilot. Things are different. It makes sense. You were close. It would be weird if you didn't have those feelings. I know for a fact that the Wei triplets are also in that kind of relationship.”

 

Raleigh was just learning one strange piece of information after each other, and it didn't seem usual for Chuck to give him that information in the first place. He wondered if maybe Chuck was in a relationship of sorts with Herc now that Scott was out of the Jaeger program, and Herc had started piloting with his son. Raleigh wondered how many more of the family drift partners were having relationships with each other. Were the Gage twins before they'd died at the hands of a kaiju? What about the English ones, the McDonald brothers? Probably. They were a little close for comfort.

 

“Thank you, Chuck. Thanks for everything that you just said to me. I really appreciate it.”

 

“Whatever, Ray.” And with that, Chuck exited.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is the way to an author's heart!


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